Emotions and stuff

I can’t read emotion very well. I often confuse one for another, only to frustrate the other person. That one I know too well. If someone walks away frustrated or angry, I might feel confused or guilty but mostly the former. I typically don’t understand why unless the tell me and go on a rant about it, which can confuse me more for some reason. I don’t know, I seem to be better at deciphering emoticons than I do facial expressions. I’d chalk it up to lack of experience but at 27 years old at the time of this writing, you’d think I’d be better at it by now.

See, “normal” kids generally pickup things like this in their first decade of life. People with aspergers tend to pick it up much later in life, if at all.

Take the resting face for example. Mine seems to look like I’m mad at something for some reason seeing how people will ask “what’s wrong” or “what’s the matter”. I always respond with “nothing” as I have no idea why they ask. I can be just staring out the window watching things go by on a road trip and suddenly be interruped by a “inquiring mind” so to speak. Then I either have to put some words together that makes sense or just give a one worded response. Staring out a window is just a preferred way to occupy my mind, sometimes its not just what I see is what I think about but what other ideas that might be floating in my head at the time.

People keep wanting me to talk more. I have no idea what to talk about most of the time. I don’t know how to explain my computer hobby to a non-technical person. It’s the same for an auto machanic to explain what’s wrong with an engine to the averge joe that just wants it to work. That’s mainly why technically inclined people setup shops to fix things. For me to talk about the inner workings or specifications of a new gadget to someone like my parents, they end up totally lost. They can barely come up with simple password, I’m just glad they can operate a smart phone and smart tv.

Talking is something I struggle with on occasion. I guess I’m not used to verbally speaking, I mostly just listen to others ramble. I can type to my heart’s content so long as I can form the words in a constant stream. I can’t remember everything people say but at the same time, I can remember it being said at one point or another. Just unable to repeat it. I don’t know if that has anything to do with aspergers but whatever.

I guess it’s just one of those things. I’m starting to do things much later in life then someone with simular experience at a younger age. I used to think I was more mature than my peers but at some point my maturity haulted or slowed down and they passed me. People I know around my age are getting married and having families with decent jobs and I’m still stuck with mediocre jobs and barely able to maintain a physical friendship with anyone. I consider myself lucky if that lasts more than a few months. Life is real sucky at the moment. I wish I can luck up with a good computer job not centered around random tech support. Office support sounds somewhat apealing right now.

Anyway, enough rambling. Untill next time…