03 Apr 2023
Idk how much of this is aspie related but here goes…
Last weekend I went to the hardware store with dad to get somethings and upon leaving I was trying to reverse out, as you do, and found I had no room to complete the turn and I happen to notice the parking spot in front of me was open so I started to pull forward only to find some guy let his buggy roll right in front of me where I had been just a few seconds ago. He was loading some sort of plant in his car so I chirp the horn to get his attention and perhaps rudely gestured to the buggy to get him to move it. Without realizing it, this angered the little man but he move the buggy anyway and I took off. That was that. I’m glad he didn’t attack because idk what I’d have done if he did.
22 Jul 2017
I can’t read emotion very well. I often confuse one for another, only to frustrate the other person. That one I know too well. If someone walks away frustrated or angry, I might feel confused or guilty but mostly the former. I typically don’t understand why unless the tell me and go on a rant about it, which can confuse me more for some reason. I don’t know, I seem to be better at deciphering emoticons than I do facial expressions. I’d chalk it up to lack of experience but at 27 years old at the time of this writing, you’d think I’d be better at it by now.
See, “normal” kids generally pickup things like this in their first decade of life. People with aspergers tend to pick it up much later in life, if at all.
Take the resting face for example. Mine seems to look like I’m mad at something for some reason seeing how people will ask “what’s wrong” or “what’s the matter”. I always respond with “nothing” as I have no idea why they ask. I can be just staring out the window watching things go by on a road trip and suddenly be interruped by a “inquiring mind” so to speak. Then I either have to put some words together that makes sense or just give a one worded response. Staring out a window is just a preferred way to occupy my mind, sometimes its not just what I see is what I think about but what other ideas that might be floating in my head at the time.
People keep wanting me to talk more. I have no idea what to talk about most of the time. I don’t know how to explain my computer hobby to a non-technical person. It’s the same for an auto machanic to explain what’s wrong with an engine to the averge joe that just wants it to work. That’s mainly why technically inclined people setup shops to fix things. For me to talk about the inner workings or specifications of a new gadget to someone like my parents, they end up totally lost. They can barely come up with simple password, I’m just glad they can operate a smart phone and smart tv.
Talking is something I struggle with on occasion. I guess I’m not used to verbally speaking, I mostly just listen to others ramble. I can type to my heart’s content so long as I can form the words in a constant stream. I can’t remember everything people say but at the same time, I can remember it being said at one point or another. Just unable to repeat it. I don’t know if that has anything to do with aspergers but whatever.
I guess it’s just one of those things. I’m starting to do things much later in life then someone with simular experience at a younger age. I used to think I was more mature than my peers but at some point my maturity haulted or slowed down and they passed me. People I know around my age are getting married and having families with decent jobs and I’m still stuck with mediocre jobs and barely able to maintain a physical friendship with anyone. I consider myself lucky if that lasts more than a few months. Life is real sucky at the moment. I wish I can luck up with a good computer job not centered around random tech support. Office support sounds somewhat apealing right now.
Anyway, enough rambling. Untill next time…
03 Jul 2017
For some reason I’m finding fireworks to be less and less exciting every year. We as a family has never really spent a whole lot on them at any one time, usually about $50 - $100 for a handful of multi-shot and what we call “boomers” and maybe a few rockets and small things. We’d spend 15-30 minutes firing the off one by one until we run out then go back indoors.
I stuggle to see why we do even do that. I mean, we could just run down to the riverside and watch them launch dozens of powerful mortars and feel the shockwaves from them. I can at least enjoy that but doing them at home, especially when I’m the one running back and forth setting up the next charge and lighting it; it gets tiresome and a bit boring. I don’t enjoy it as much anymore. I don’t get to sit back and watch.
And that has given me a few ideas to remedy that dissatisfaction and bring some joy in my life again. About a couple years ago, I got the idea to do like a remote launch thing but never got around to actually buying something to make it happen. Every time, I tell myself this and forget about it till the last minute then decide not to.
See, they make wireless launchers where I can attach a fuse type thing to the fuse of the firework and connect it to a portable system that’d apply power to the fuse, lighting it, and send the firework up into the air. The system would use a remote control that triggers relays to power the wire fuses. Sounds cool, right? Welp, procrastination sets in and I never get around to buying one.
This year, like soon, I need to order one off ebay and just stash it in my closet till New Years. Maybe then, we can setup multiple shots where I can sit back and launch them remotely. I just hope it works and I wouldn’t need to go up to the firework with fear it might launch anyways and light it manually.
I had thought about making like a 24-shot one, just because, but the cost of it kinda turns me off. I figured it up to be around $200, give or take, and I just can’t do it. Not when I can get a 12-shot premade thing on ebay for like $25-50 and it’d be plenty. I have a tenancy to go overboard with ideas. Over-thinking and whatnot.
Anyway, that’s my thought. Enjoy and have a nice and safe evening. Cheers.
12 Jun 2017
I don’t care about a lot of things. Here me out. If you happen to be one of the billions, and chances are you are, that follow some sort of news source; the world is in chaos. That’s not the point of this post, well sort of.
Part of what I think keeps me sane is simply not caring about all the drama in the world. Everyone is fighting over their beliefs and it doesn’t seem to get anywhere. Fighting with words and law instead of guns and swords. Just for the life of me, I can’t mentially follow or bother engaging in the conversation to care. I might share a comment or question here or there to try to make sense of it but at the end of the day, unless it impacts me, I don’t really care.
Some might chalk that up to “white privilage” and maybe it is but even that doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m just another white dude trying to figure out life and somehow make a living that supports it. I face the same challenges. I’m left trying to find a job that I’m qualified to do, which tbh I don’t feel like is much, and somehow muster some enjoyment for the job.
I’m not a people person, never have been. I like to keep a small group of trusted individuals in my circle and not care about the rest. I’m introverted, I like to be left alone most of the time to do whatever it is I feel like doing. Getting paid for a job would be a added perk. When I feel like being social, I’ll move to where people tend to hang out.
When I’m out in public, I tend to simply not care about what those around me are doing or saying. To care will simply feed on my anxiety and just make my experience of being in public worse and push me back into hiding. Mentally, I can’t afford to care. Those with negative comments can go eff themselves. I don’t make an effort to talk to people unless I have to for like locating things in a store and whatnot.
The annoying part is from not caring or talking to people, that ends up effecting my depression. Like a mental tugawar. I have found that life is all about finding that ballance. I like being around people I trust, not so much for the general public.
And with that, cheers.
07 Jun 2017
Hello. Technically this is the second post but whatever. My name is Michael, you may have seen my tech blog called “The Lone Geek”. I talk about tech related stuff when I get around to it. This blog can be takened as a viewpoint of one with aspergers. I’m going to try to write about my self, I’m not too great at it actually. There’s something about just spewing personal details for the world to see that kinda makes me uncomfortable.
Well, here it goes. I have aspergers in case you haven’t guessed. It’s not offically dianosed but I’m pretty positive I do. I meet all the tendacies. I don’t consider myself normal by societies standards but I’m also not “mentally retarded”. (Side note: I don’t conform to the politically correct thing so if that bothers you, you can hit the home button in your browser. I’m not completely insensitive but I won’t stop using a word because it might bother someone when it’s appropreate for the topic at hand. I also don’t use racial slurs because I don’t see the point and that’s kinda mean.)
Anyway, due to my aspergers, I tend to be of the quiet type. Always have, I barely speak in public. Usually just short phrases or words here and there, I don’t engage in long conversations unless it’s with someone I know and trust. I’m very selective in who I trust, which could be part of the reason why this blog stayed empty for like a year from when I bought the domain. The more trust I have with someone, the more I feel comfortable opening up to someone. Growing up, I was the shy kid. Still am.
People joke or quip about me being quiet. Some will say, “You sure talk a lot.” or “you just can’t get them (my sisters and I) to stop talking” as some sort of way to get us to speak up or something. Yeah, my sisters are in the same boat. I don’t know if they have aspergers too but they generally don’t talk unless spoken to or feel they have something relateable. I’m the same way. It could be an aspie thing, I’m not sure.
Ok. That’s it for the intro. I may blog again another time so cheers!
22 Oct 2016
Welcome to my blog where I shall talk about what it’s like living with aspergers.